Posted by: Miriam | 06/10/2010

Gold and Glimmer

Fall has always been a hard season for me. It always seems sad. The verdant voluptuous summer coming to a close as Persephone heads back to her winter home. Summer always holds a promise of growth and excitement. Summer is sparkley and free and full of great hopes. Maybe all of this is a hold over from the 19 years I spent in school (yes, I took my time in college) – where summer held endless opportunities dripping from the vine like ripe berries for the picking. Maybe it is the crisp breeze floating through my still open windows reminding me it is definitely fall in Southwest Colorado.

On the other hand, I tend to take stock and really reevaluate where I am at in the autumn. The who what where when and why of my life. This year especially since it is 1) transitional and 2) Im on the job hunt.

Who: I am happy with who I am. I don’t know if the confidence and happiness with who I am comes from being in my 30s now and being over the crazy-girl-in-her-20s bit (thank the gods) like I’ve just settled into who I am – maybe it was like playing dress up and the heels finally fit now. Maybe it has to do with the realization that I get to write the Miriam’s Choose Your Own Adventure book. Whatever combination it is, this solid confidence in myself (not the bravado of false confidence) is pretty damned awesome. I’m digging it.

Earlier this year I finally figured out what I want to do with my life. At 30 it finally came to me. I’ve always been interested in science, I love love love looking at the world through scientist eyes. I see the world in physics equations, and chemical formulas. Asking why is my nature (sorry Mom & Dad that must have sucked when I was a kid). But I also like people – I find humans to be legitimately interesting. It has always been a challenge to figure out to merge those 2 seemingly conflicting sides of my interests. I think I figured out, it may change. But I want to be where science and people meet. I revel in explaining the heavy science language to the average person, the Joe Plumbers if you will. So I think that checks off the What.

Where is always the biggest of the W questions for me. Right now the world is wide open. I literally could move anywhere – Laos, Nepal, Madagascar, Biloxi Mississippi, (all of those would suck for the cats – but they don’t predetermine where I can or cannot live). Do you know how daunting it is to think like that? The world  is huge compared to fly-weight me. Really, Id love to stay in Durango for a little while longer. Durango has been a great home for me from day one. I love the desert, I love the mountains. But who knows, Belarus may be calling.

Right now, is the answer. When being the question. Right. Goddamned. Now. It is my time and I am going to take it.

Why? I’m not on narcotics anymore, so I cannot explain away this post that easily. The extra blanket at night, the changing leaves I see through my windows, the cats being extra snuggly (they don’t actually like me, they just want me for my body heat), and too much time to think on my hands since breaking my ankle 3 weeks ago. All adds up to being a little introspective once and awhile. Plus I really do have too much time on my hands. And its my blog, so I get to espouse whatever bubbles to the surface.

Realistically though, goodbye summer and the marvelous potential you bring. At least if its cold and windy I wont lament my inability to be outside doing fun outdoorsy activities.

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