Posted by: Miriam | 02/02/2011

To N, D, and C. With Love.

My best friend’s father passed away from a second bout of prostate cancer. He was a wonderful father, husband, and a great lover of spicy food. N, her father and I shared many a dish of as-hot-as-you-can-make-it dishes. I have seen few men who were still so in love with their wives that he literally sparkled when he told me about the day they met. He was one of the last few true craftsmen left, building homes with old techniques.

Shockingly enough I am at a loss for meaningful words. This is the 3rd time I’ve written this post and I cannot seem to get them sorted out or organized in such a way that they are readable to anybody else. So I’m going to post a small poem and let the world know how wonderful R was and how much he is and will always be missed.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

-Mary Frye (1932)

N, D, and C I will always love you and if you need ANYTHING I’ll be there at the drop of a hat.


I had planned to write a bit more, but since I’m about to drown my keyboard in tears, I think we’ll save it for another night. Its funny, I’m not saddened for my loss, or even for the family’s loss, but for the pain they have and the hole in their life. It hurts to know theirs is a sadness much deeper and painful than mine. It is so hard to think about losing one of my parents, especially prematurely.

Please tell the ones you love, how much you love them. Not tomorrow, not the next day, but now, right-goddamned-now.




  1. 😦 Sorry. Sounds like a great guy.

  2. Death is always hard to deal with, even when we are prepared for its eventuality. Although the hole it leaves can never be filled, the edges do eventually soften enough that you don’t have to cut yourself on it all the time. My thoughts are with you in your loss and I am here for you if you need anything.

    By the way: I love you and am forever grateful that you are in my life.

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