Posted by: Miriam | 06/02/2011

Valentines Day: A New Meaning

So if you have read ANY of the last 4 months of blogging, you surely noticed I broke my ankle this fall. But now what, now that I am unbroken?

Physical Therapy. And boat loads of it. Twice a week. I think I have been averaging 3 hours a week, if not a little bit more. One day is hard. The other easier. I am pushed to where my ankle/foot start to fail, and it pisses me off. So I push myself harder. Luckily, I am competitive and now I’ve found an outlet these last few months. If my knee collapses one day, it sure as hell wont the next. Right now the biggest limiter is my foot. Single legged exercises tire my foot out. So guess what, I do A LOT of them. Standing, squatting, skipping, calf raises, balance with and without resistance. Lots of wall sits, lots of standing on trampolines to simulate uneven surfaces. I sweat. I get my HR up. When I hurt my shoulder years and years ago, I never had PT that made me work this hard. But this hard work has paid off. I’m almost symmetrical. My right side fatigues faster than the left, but it is coming back and quickly. I have definition in my right quad and calf, just looking at me, the only thing you might notice is that my ankle is a different size, assuming you look at ankles.

But Valentine’s Day will be the 5th month anniversary of the break. I cant believe its been that long/that short at the same time. It has been a hard road at times. But now it is getting easier. Easier by the day, literally. With the mental stress lessening, I can concentrate on other parts of my life. And in some cases get my life back. Like work. And riding.

I have a stress test on Friday to evaluate where I am with my recovery and to find out what I need still. The report goes to the doctor and I have an appointment with the orthopedist the following Monday for his evaluation of my recovery. I may be finally cleared to mtn bike. Maybe I’ll be able to run again some day soonish. Maybe I’ll be done with PT.

So what should I do to celebrate on Valentine’s Day (though not in the traditional sense, I don’t care about a Hallmarkesque day where I am supposed to demand candy/flowers/gifts and to be shown affection – no, I would rather have affection the other 364 days)? Go out with the BF for a congrats you’re officially unbroken dinner? It’s a little short notice to get tattoo around one of the scars (I’ve been toying with the idea of doing something to the half-moon scar on the inside of my ankle).  But what else…if I could mtn bike I think that might be the winner, but it is a Monday and I have to work.

It is nice to have my life back. To slowly not always be thinking about my ankle. Sometimes those pauses in life are handy – to make you reevaluate. To strip down those walls and parts we don’t need, the parts we build up around us. I was able to get back to the simple me…what I needed and wanted. I had a focus, a very singular focus, which helped get me towards my goal(s). Now I’m here. At the end(ish) of this chapter. Part of me is a little lamenting, I had such a drive and focus, but now with the conclusion looming, where am I going to  find that same drive – the yearning; no, hell, the fight and fire that burned so strongly. I feel it creeping into other parts of my life a little here, a little there. Now to find my next goal…

Though these cold winter days make it ache (of course, the 2lbs of metal in it would do that). But now I am human barometer, so that is handy bonus.

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